Difficult conversations are an inevitable part of life. Whether confronting a friend about self-destructive behavior, addressing a loved one's harmful choices, or working through conflicts in relationships, these discussions require courage, wisdom, and, most importantly, love.
The Foundation: Love and Truth Must Go Together
In Ephesians 4:15, Paul counsels us to “speak the truth in love.” The Savior Himself exemplified this balance. He never shied away from truth but always spoke it with kindness and compassion.
“When we feel hurt, angry, or envious, it is quite easy to judge others. Unrighteous judgment, however, is usually self-serving. It emphasizes our own virtues and the faults of others. It is often accompanied by pride, a lack of love, and an inability to see potential.”
~ Dieter F. Uchtdorf
(The Merciful Obtain Mercy, April 2012)
The goal of these conversations should not be to condemn but to uplift and help others grow. If we start with a spirit of humility and love, we can create an environment where change is possible.
Step 1: Pray for Guidance and Check Your Motives
Before approaching someone, ask yourself:
- Am I truly seeking their best interest, or am I reacting emotionally?
- Have I sought the Spirit to guide my words?
- Am I ready to listen as much as I speak?
“Every one of us can be more charitable, more forgiving, more kind. There is room for improvement in every life.”
~ Gordon B. Hinckley
(We Have a Work to Do, April 1995)
When our motivation is love and not frustration or pride, the Spirit can guide our words.
Step 2: Choose the Right Time and Place
Timing and setting matter. A rushed conversation in a heated moment often leads to defensiveness rather than understanding. Proverbs 15:1 teaches:
“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”
Choose a private and calm setting where both of you can focus. Let the person know your intention is to help, not accuse.
Step 3: Start with Love and Affirmation
Thomas S. Monson wisely counseled:
“Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.” (Finding Joy in the Journey, October 2008)
Begin by expressing love and appreciation for the person. Let them know that you value them and their relationship with you. For example:
- “I care about you deeply, and because I do, I want to talk about something that’s been on my heart.”
- “I’ve noticed something that may be affecting your relationships, and I want to share it with you because I believe in you.”
Step 4: Speak with Humility and Listen Well
Jesus often asked questions and listened before He spoke. We should follow His example. Instead of accusing, seek to understand:
- “Can you help me understand why you’ve been making these choices?”
- “How do you feel about what’s happening in your relationships?”
“Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet.”
~ Marvin J. Ashton
(The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword, April 1992)
A conversation is not just about what we say but about how well we listen. True understanding allows the Spirit to work.
Step 5: Offer Solutions, Not Just Criticism
Jesus didn’t just call out problems—He invited people to something better. When we discuss hard topics, we should offer encouragement and solutions.
- "I see so much potential in you, and I know you can work through this. How can I support you?”
- “I know this habit has been hard to break. Would you be open to trying this approach?”
“Be kind regarding human frailty—your own as well as that of those who serve with you. … Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with.”
~ Jeffrey R. Holland
(Lord, I Believe, April 2013)
We are all growing. When we help someone with patience and hope, we allow them the space to improve.
Step 6: End with Love and a Commitment to Support
The purpose of tough conversations is to bring healing, not division. End by reaffirming your love and commitment to the relationship.
- “No matter what, I’m here for you.”
- “I believe in you, and I know God has amazing things in store for you.”
“Charity is not a thing you do. It is a part of who you are.”
~ Russell M. Nelson
(The Second Great Commandment, October 2019)
When we consistently show love, people feel safe to grow.
Loving Conversations Bring Change
Speaking hard truths is not easy, but when done with humility, kindness, and the Spirit, it can lead to incredible transformation. If we follow Christ’s example—seeking to love first and correct with patience—we will strengthen relationships and help those we care about move forward.
#ChristianLiving #FaithInAction #SpeakTheTruthInLove #GraceAndTruth #ChristlikeLove #ToughConversations #ChristianRelationships #LoveOneAnother #BiblicalWisdom
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